A quick FYI – this is a post I made a while ago, before I did the fancy blog host moving stuff. I reread it to remind myself that I can do better.
Albeit blurry and not very good quality (thanks broken camera), the above is a picture of personal achievement. It’s a picture of triumph. It’s proof to myself that I can do more than the belief I have in myself. Tonight, I jogged 1.1km. Wow, you’re saying, big deal. And I say Yes. Very big deal. I am not fit, nor healthy. I need to improve myself for the future of me, my husband, my dogs, my family. This, is proof that there are no excuses. None.
To give you a brief history lesson on me, I’ve always been overweight, unfit, not interested in improving my fitness or health. I have been teased and bullied, neglected and tormented – the worse part is that it wasn’t just by others, it was also by me.
Eight or so months ago I decided enough. Enough! I want to have children, and soon, and I want to be able to pass on some form of good genes. I also want to feel good about myself. My most beautiful personal trainer, Morgan, on our first meeting, asked me when was the last time I looked at a photo and felt happy about what I saw. It was in that very moment that a sadness overcame me. She wasn’t asking it to be mean or crude, she was asking to gain insight into my motivation, to see if there was a state of myself in the past that I wanted to aim towards. And you know what? There wasn’t. I could not think of a photo, a dress, a time, not one single moment in my almost 24 years of life where I felt proud or happy with my body, with myself.
Fast forward back into the future. Fast forward until tonight. I haven’t jogged for longer than 3 minutes since, well.. ever. I’ve tried, but given up. Pushed myself, but not hard enough. And then I remembered a little quote from one of my many Netflix binges. You can handle anything for ten seconds. Count to ten and you have done it. Count to ten again, you’ve done it again! It seemed cute, quaint even. What a silly idea, that would never work in real life.
So you know what I did? I counted to ten. And then I did it again. I did it for ten minutes. Ten minutes of ten seconds. Not so hard. It was so stupid, I’d think, alright, I’m getting tired now, but I’ve only got another three seconds. Go on, you can do it. And then I would start again.
Tonight, I jogged 1.1 km. I counted to ten, 60 times, and I jogged 1.1km. To some, this is nothing, but to me, this is amazing. It’s a state of mind, you can handle anything for ten seconds at a time. Next time you’re stuck for motivation, maybe you don’t need motivation, maybe you need a different way of thinking. Why not try this silly little idea?
You can do ANYTHING for ten seconds.
And then you can do it again for another ten.
Over and over again until whatever is painful is less painful.
– Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt